I have not blogged for a very long time. I dont update my life often on social media. And somehow i have the perception that just because i dont do people think that i dont have a life.
It doesnt mean that i dont update how happy i am as a wife, means that i am not.
It does not mean that when i dont update what i cook everyday, means that i dont cook at all.
It does not mean that i dont update about my kids, that i dont love them.
Well,i am not condemning those who do though, because really, it is up to us!
I am an introvert, remember?
It is just updating your life on social media has been such a norm that not doing so will somehow make others think that you dont have much going on in your life.
Oh i have so much going on in my life right alright.
My grandmother just passed away. It hurts. It really does. I am her first grandchild. I still remember that everytime i go back to miri or somewhere else after celebrating raya in kuching, i will cry because i have to leave her. I am the most ‘manja’ in that sense. Or ‘congek’. Now raya wont ever be the same again.
And now i am ina dilemma of whether to quit my job or not because i hate it so much. At the moment. I feel like i couldnt not take it anymore.
And i am pregnant with my 3rd child. To be honest, the moment i knew this news, i cried. I cried not because i was happy because i was afraid. Pregnancy is no easy job. Oh and childbirth itself?? Tell me about it. It was unexpected. But hubby says, maybe there is something good coming out of all of this. And then i realized, what was i thinking?? This is Allah’s rezeki for me and i should be grateful!
Yes i should be happy and grateful. Yes i am trying. But this time around the preggy symptoms seem to be a lot more awful than my previous two. The bloating and nausea and burping is bad. Like you are reallyy hungrryy like a lion but when you eat you feel so sick.
And dealing with my job while i am in the dilemma of quitting makes it even worse.
I was done with my presentation 2 days ago.I prepared 2 weeks to complete it. Yes , 2 WEEKS. Yet, i still feel like i could have done better . I still feel like i didnt have nuch time, because my sons were sick, and whatnot?
To top that off, i was post call during my presentation, and had to deal with doctors who like to search for any imperfections, instead of correcting. Oh and I slept at 3 am that night.
Sometimes i question, why Allah put me in this difficult situation, cause i feel so helpless, i was sick , pregnant and i hate my job. But i realized one thing, this is HIS TEST for me. I always feel like i fail in it cause i am not strong enough.
Despite all what happened, hubby surprised me with a one night stay in Rainbow paradise resort, tanjong bungah.He knows i am too stressed. Too burnt out. I am at the verge of losing it all.
Thank you husband.
I love you.
Judge how good a guy is after you have a child. Can they still be sweet, willing to care for the child when he is sick and crying??
Oh another thing is, pregnancy drains your confident level. My skin breaks out so much, my nose will be swollen, and my body will expand, say hello to stretchmarks,my skin will be so dull, it makes you ugly. Hey baby , please remember mama’s sacrifice alright. (Those who are still beautiful during pregnancy please dont even talk to me )